2013.09 News: Apple Product Launch Today

Question: How can we be covering Apple's latest product launch when it's still only 9 AM Cupertino time?

Answer: It's not us, it's the scoop from the intrepid investigative reporters at America's Finest News Source®.

Lead paragraph: At a highly anticipated press event at its Silicon Valley headquarters Tuesday afternoon, tech giant Apple officially unveiled to the public a panicked and completely idea-free man.

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